clouds

in the thunderstorm

my mind clouded

gray

dismal

can't see beyond my face

can't see at all

have to imagine

the stars beyond

the sun

the light

after the rain

but right now

i hold the cloud to me

magnetic thoughts cling

and gather to build up

bigger and bigger charge

until finally

it must explode

lightning bolts

from my thoughts

to the ground

touches base

with the earth

the old wooden tree is charred

splits into two or three or four

but whatever it is

its not the same as it was before

the clouds may return

again

and again

and again

but that tree is no longer

what it was

she fell in some way

the electricity

traveled a path

and made way

for itself

change

space

death

exposure of

inner linings

for the first time ever

light hits the inner most core

the tree will never close over

this break

this opening

when sun hits

the wood

the fire burns

away

what seems solid

clouds

seem solid too

but they are not

the Will of God

i am

the Will of God

the Will

of Goodness

i will to do

what makes my heart sing

thou shall be

what you are

forever more

it can be no other way

it is impossible your heart

can truly sing

at another's loss

it is impossible

you could ever truly

believe it could

this timeless truth

is written in your heart

it is here

your joy remains

here

all answers live

they have never left you

for a moment

your Heart

is God's Will

let not your mind

convince

tempt

distract

you

it is not true

your heart is true

it's that simple

does your heart sing

with this idea?

then it reflects God's Will

does your heart ache

with this idea?

then your mind

has led you astray

park yourself

listen

feel

what is true

it's not a mind game

You

are your joy;

You

are your doctor

nothing to do

nothing to figure out

just remember

just allow

let arguments

with your Joy/Truth

be watched

with wholly loving eyes,

the knowing Mona Lisa smile,

and

shine on....

getting it right

who/what

would i be

if "i" got it "right"?

lost

in the dream

the prison

of "rightness"

from this tall tower

i'm afraid to fall

one mistep

and i'm off the roof

freefalling

what if

i relax

look around

and

have the ride of my life

who knows what will happen next?

the unknown can't be scary

only the imagined is

how do i know

what getting it right is?

i want to be alive

have fun

not careful

guarded

only one possible right footstep

that's not alive

its dead

a rerun

a past

filling in the blank on a worksheet

someone else made up!

100% correct!

they say

you win the prize:

my approval

but who are they?

do i really want their approval?

the worksheet writers

the prescribers

the "knowers" of what's good for me--

to be like them

yes, what would i have

what would i be

if "i" got it "right"?

thank you for this key

to the door

open sky

currents lift

and sail

swirl

change

move

life is

what it it

as maximal as it will ever be

right now

how light to drop

the chains of "getting it right"

kaleidoscope

the world is flat and square

said the table

oh no

the world is round

and so bouncy

said the ball

the world is windy and open

said the hawk from high in the sky

laughing

the fish

smiled at the silliness...

the world is weightless

glistens and glides

the sun looked down

and saw it all

the world is very very hot

it glowed

the icebergs

cracked and cackled

and broke into millions of pieces

melting and floating

and disappearing into the ocean

the world is flowing

they said

all things

flowing

into each other

i hold the fish

the hawk lifts it up

rising high

into the sunlight

that melts me...

the table,

the wooden boat

but risen from the ground

as a tree

then cut

and formed by hands

of a man

that also

dribbles and catches and throws around

bouncing balls

that roll

and soar

and fall

and float

and everywhere

it's all true

and though it all looks

sounds

and seems to taste

very different

Life

is

but

One

communion: Tell me everything

what do i want?

communion (communication)

or

to be right

to educate the ignorant

to bring knowledge

to one who doesn't have it

to convert?

i am speaking

of my love

my religion

my language

that has fed me

so sweetly

so richly...

like melted butter

and maple syrup

soaking into pancakes

it has brought me so much delight

and fresh insight to

give me new life

oh dear dear one i love

i speak of it to you

on and on and on

of my passion...

my beloved concepts

my sweet definitions...

and i notice

at first

your eyes are sad

then closed

then

a tear rolls down your cheek

and

hands cover your face

finally your whole body

turns in the other direction

i keep speaking

spilling this syrup i love

she must need more

she just doesn't "get it"

i haven't said enough yet

more knowledge

more instruction

is certainly what she needs...will "fix" this

her shoulder tense

hunched

and now she is getting up

and moving away

further and further

the sobs become louder

the motions more forceful

now in my mind she is evil/bad/harmful/scary to me

she makes me feel incompetent

she doesn't listen

she's hurting me

she doesn't care and is selfish

now she's running away

and will need days to "do her work"

regain her sanity

and see she was wrong

i wait and wait

on the cross

for three days

until she

is finally ready to roll

the stone away

and resurrect herself

so i can get off the cross

evil of her

to hold me up here

so long

only an idiot couldn't easily see the light i see

and so set me free

and never string me up here

in the first place

without my wisdom

she keeps repeating her mistake...

i hate this old story

this 100,oooth rerun....

what else is possible?

(there must

be

a

better

way!!!)

help me, Lord, i don't get it/her!

....i see

as i spoonfeed my favorite soup

to this baby of mine

her eyes are sad

i notice

she is turning away...

and i do not understand

and i am afraid

because i have watched this movie before

sooooo many times

and i know how it always turns out...

this time

i pause

i stop talking

i see

i am not certain what is going on

i remember

my desire is communion

and i wonder

if the connection is still there

i don't feel

the electricity

it seems

i have "lost" her

or perhaps she

has "abandoned" me

it doesn't matter

i don't need to find who's at fault or how

i just know

I want to commune

on common ground

so i ask

hey,

what's going on with you?

where are you?

what are you feeling?

experiencing?

Tell me everything

i would so appreciate

if you would take the time

to tell me how you see me

so i can have a greater perspective

than just my own.

and i listen

Tell me everything.

do you hear the love in these words?

do you have any idea how great this gift is?

to yourself

and to offer to someone else

Tell me everything

and i am back in your arms

Tell me everything

for my birthday

Christmas

Easter

Valentine' s Day

it's the only present i ever want

Tell me everything...

I am interested in/care about your feelings

Maybe I got lost in my topic/ my religion

and forgot my desire was communion

maybe...

just maybe...

i'll ask...

differences

differences

really show you

yourself

like going to Europe

i discovered how American I was

someone with a very different background

teaches me what i am

and what i am not

much more clearly

than someone very similar

where differences are invisible

seamless

where we both share the same deception

the same blindness

someone who doesn't really know me

will lay their story on me

and now i will see who i am

in the midst of "attack"

can i still be loving

in the face of this ignorance

this "denial"

"hogwash"?

or must i

explain myself?

must i win them over?

must I change their perception

of me?

who am i in the face of my "bludgeoning/crucifixion"?

will i bludgeon them?

or rest

assured

will i be curious

open minded enough

to ask myself

if perhaps

their different vantage point

doesn't actually see something

i

have

missed?

perhaps

friction

can

result

in

smootheness...

hmmm....

God

is

in

everything i hear........................

whenever you are right, you are wrong

i noticed it

again

someone was talking

telling me their thoughts

beliefs

understanding of reality

and i noticed

i wanted

to teach

to clarify

to undercut

with something more profound

my truth,

not theirs

i wanted to correct

to align them

with my understanding

i wanted

him

to see it my way

to see "his denial"

from my point of view

instead of hearing

the truth

in what he said

the truth

i actually agree with

he prefers different words

content is identical

i noticed

i was choosing to focus

on meaningless differences

i noticed

i was feeling

separate

i am so grateful

to see

to notice

my part

no matter what anyone else says

it's always for me

do i want

to find common ground?

or

sit

on my high horse

above

alone

victorious

in my separation

dead

to my OneSelf

resurrection

puts my feet

back on common ground

with my brother

with God

with learning

a student forever

of God/Reality

whenever

you are "right",

you are wrong

here

is resurrection

Christ

is in no position

but Love

the scent of fear

the scent of fear

a whiff

of insecurity

she breathes

on to me

the faintest hint...

and i feel

faint

i am caught

in it

i can't breathe

the air is not here

now

her fault

i die

her fault

my bottom falls out,

my premise,

of false security: she is my strength

her faulty foot step

and

i am shaken to the core

this must be changed

it's broken

i must teach her she is wrong

immediately

because

i am falling

unsafe

she must secure herself

so my rope is whole

and so the fire grows

because i teach her

she is wrong

i point out to her

her error

and i must win this.

my life depends on it

my whole identity is placed so shakily

out there

her crushing silence

withholds

my love

that i am

and so

now she much die

for me to live

there is another way

another day

born now

a whiff of fear...

of her mistep out of love's perception

i see

she has done nothing

but is dreaming she has stepped off a cliff

and feels her stomach rising into her throat

the sensation of a world

pulled out from under her

Clarity sees the simplicity

sanity/truth doesn't dive off the cliff with her

into the lie

the prison

the hell

of

if only she...

if only she...

i would be okay

i reach out my hand

extend it over the edge of the cliff

right into her fear

right into the darkness

i meet her

i don't tell her she is full of shit

because

i am not in pain

i realize i stand on firm high ground

my hand reaches

to share

this never moving mountain

calm

i need do nothing

for certain,

she is not wrong

asleep, yes,

in that moment

her pain is undeniable

i don't ask her

to fake it

to shake it

i don't tell her

her dream is lasting far too long

for my convenience

and my comfort

i simply see

i hear

i listen

i know

truth is inevitable

i know

she is the sun

dreaming for but an instant

and i rest

for it is my experience

that every single day of my life

the sun rises

and provides far more

than i could ever use

and i

do nothing for it

the sun now extends through me

to remind

to be the star

she can see

even in her sleep

and so i see she does

see the light

i need not hurry her

i know

in the night

rest is a gift

i know

in the silence

God's Voice

is heard more clearly

i remember

that when someone is falling

telling them what to do

or that they shouldn't fall

is like ordering the river to stop

and i can see

that letting my life depend

on stopping a river

is not good or bad,

it's impossible

i will never stop

the river

i simply allow her

to flow...

to the ocean

to the valleys

to the desert

to every part of the world

she will

there is nothing to fear

but trying to stop

the river!

this

is

resurrection

rambunctious!

i love my Self!

i am the garden

oh pink pink pink

everywhere blooming

"rambunctious" i am called! (by another and myself)

the book told me this:

(oh happy day!)

rambunctious: un ruly

yes! i am under no laws but God's/Reality/what is!

uncontrollable: oh thank God!/Reality

i need not be controlled

nor control

to have any such delusion

of control

is insane...

denial of Joy now

oh Lovers!

who would choose to limit Joy!?

leave Her out of any situation,

person, place, moment?

"joyously unstrained": let the horses run!!! :-))))) (can you feel the wind in your hair?)

oh the joy

of dogs loping?

yes

thank you thank you thank you

for the completely unblocked

gushing

of life

as me

abundant

plentiful

to exuberate: overflow!

what but by the grace of God,

to be overflowing,

not in egoic denial!

overflowing must share itself with you, with all

it's what it is

untamable!

oh

Heaven, yes

who would even think

of taming God

unless

he were mistaken?

today we are blooming

endlessly

the resurrection

is

now

the past

is now

the future

is now

and life celebrates!

ram bunctious!

amen!

derivation,

french:

uber....

uber in German: very

udder

fruitful

i love love love

to be

the fruit

the milk

of God! :-))

oh oh oh

gracious

me...

reflection

the reflection

moves

without argument

without resistance

just see

where you are

right now

it's all reflection

ever the flow

ever expanding

of bounty

compassion

rest

freedom

placid

the stillness

sits

(and watches)

a light comes

a joy

a blessing

excitement

subsides

luscious

motionless

the runner feels so good

to sit down

and do nothing

at the end of the race

the tired muscle

to put down

the weight

and then

a note is heard again

the body must dance

out of pure joy!

the body is moved

it had no plan

for this

a flower blooms

inside the mind

the inspiration

lifts

our hearts

the smile explodes out to all

weightless

we follow the clue

not knowing the next

only

carrried

by this

free

from "me"

free

from "planning"

free

from "knowing"

silence

receives

Her King

God

is...

Play!!!

let this be a day of play...

there's nothing immovable

nothing solid

that's just your belief

you are looking at!

imagine now...

what if...

Joy really created you!

imagine now

you are wrong about everything you have ever believed...

what if you were

happy beyond your wildest dreams right now?

imagine

you have no idea of

what is going on!

what you are

where you came from

and you need to wait

and ask

and be told...

imagine your body

is just a guess--

a hypothesis you came up with,

but it's not true

imagine

silence is possible

and truth can be revealed to you...

without the thought of "something wrong"

without the thought

of "something wrong"

no one

in a box

no past

on

anyone

oh oh oh

what open doors

as this

wholly unknown

everything

a suprise

gift

clay

right now

mine

mirror

of me

spontaneous

free

joyous wings

here

is heaven

without the thought of "something wrong"

i am allowed

to be

the Mountain Itself

not (just) the climber

but ALL of it

A to Z of it

and that is but a speck

which lives

in It

the All

"i" made

the mountain up

the story of the climber

of a need

of a place i wasn't

a place to go to

from a distance

a stranger

needing a grail

oh yes

at last

withhout the thought

"there's something wrong (with me!)"

the whole picture

is returned

blazing light

clarity

of

positions

perspectives

times

spaces

views

vision

sees it all

and sees it is not so...

:-)))))

nothing's ever

been

"wrong".....

oh oh oh

happy day!

can you really see...with your back?

how can you see something

your back is facing?

when you've turned away

turned your back....

honestly,

God...God....where are you?

help me!

as we reach for the bottle

the chocolate

the body

the "toy" (not the Real Thing)

facing toward the world

God out of sight

only because

we are grasping

for what we believe

will satisfy

our hunger

bring us

relief,

even "happiness", we call it

a toy car

is not

a real one

you can't get in it

it doesn't fit

it's way too small for you

so we pretend

to get in

and drive around

and fantasize

all the places

it will take us--

so much "fun"

all pretend

and no substitute

for the Real Thing

for true happiness

for the truth

of what we are

not a doll,

but God

Itself,

wholly creative

infinite

ever expanding

Joy

would we not turn around

for This?

without "i want"

without the thought "i want..."

i am free

life

abounds

pours through me

God is (restored)

freedom is

Joy is

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......comes through

open

to all

that is

fed

continuous stream

awareness

not a body

this big expanding space

eye-deas just come

i just do it

it's not "i want"

its just yes

do that

very direct

love just moves

Gratitude

happy for no reason

singing heart

purr

thank you thank you thank you...

for the beauty

and i am not attached to it

to any one specific form of it

it is every where

every thing

overjoyed

wow!

one book

what amazing infinite giving

always giving forever

continually

sitting on the shelf

while i am asleep to it

so with every tiny thing

beauty radiates fully infinitely

my Self

sees it

now

without the thought "i want"

each tiny door opened now

to God

for receiving

for acceptance

oneness

completion

of all Light

without the thought "i want"

look on it

you literally give life

to something

by

looking on it

with love

it vibrates

enlivens

like talking to plants

or a cat

that then begins to prrrrr...

everything purrs

all the time

feel the love

of the rose...

her scent pouring forth

literally filling you

touching

entering your bloodstream

traveling through your body

and puffed

back out

to the world

in each breath

everything you look on today

but lights up

as you look at it

watch!

feel

it

this

is the dance of life

eyes do dance

plants

sit there

so quiet

so unnoticed

so humble

never tiring

never complaining

if you don't want to water them

they just quietly dissappear

or do they?

is there life

in your life

you have been forgetting to water?

paying no attention to?

having no gratitude for?

look

at everything

with love

rest

on it

in true appreciation

it is...

everything is...

part

of

you

nothing else matters at all

Let Me

be

your Guide

only this

only here

is true peace

ever found

there is

nothing else

that will ever fulfill you

nor make your way smoothe

nothing else

matters

at all

in this moment

only

ever

one thing to do

ask

what would you have me

do

learn

say

think?

listen...

wait...

hear...

there is nothing

for you

to figure out

if you are trying to

figure it out

you are afraid

your thinking

is interfering

fear/blockage

is not clarity

or Wisdom

or Loving

fear is all ways

insane/ in the idea of "sin"

it can take you only around the same

vicious circle/cycle/pattern

it's advice has never changed

it's not new

don't be fooled/tempted

again...

Let Me be

your Guide

nothing else

matters

at all

real food

dont' know mind

is without

the hierarchy:

comparison

judgement

"best"

interest

don't know mind

is the

can't know mind

the trusting what is mind

to be the very best

being here now

being holds no desire

not to be

joy

happiness

does not wish

to go away

to disintegrate

she LOVES herself

expands

just looking at

noticing her joy

she grows up

lights up

and extends

herself

lifts

herself

up!

higher

higher

higher!

isness

she sees herself

in your eyes

and grows

in brightness

joy only gives increase

do you feel

the healing

power

of your smile

feel

how good

your smile

feels for you

the gift

of the smile

extends inward

from deep within

to reach forever outward

and again back to herself

her source

the precious gift

of my smile

to me

i love

love

love

my

radiant

child/star!

her dear presence

continues

to

feed

me...

love runs the show

love holds no greivances

against you, dear one

free as the morning breeze

no place disallowed

off limits

or even underground

where breeze

can't move

breeze is never stuck

by it's nature

love holds no weights

nor waits

nothing can pin you here

to the ground

for even a moment

love needs no form from you

love owns you

owns your being

whatever costume

you put on

love is the walker

the talker

the breather

the doer

no matter how convinced you are

it was the pretty dress your wore

that turned his head

got you the job

made you love yourself

won you the prize

caught you the fish

you are wrong

love runs the show

from start to finish

it created you

it lives you

it moves you

just listen

to the simple

love song

dance

to her rhythms

and rest

in her arms

let but love

feed you...

i am sustained

by the love

of God

love created me

like itself

love holds no grievances...

against

me

the whole veil is undone

already

in your mind

Love

is

You.

Honestly.