not supposed to

it was never supposed to hatch!!!

oh silly silly  me,
a lifetime of suffering,
with plans not to be,
imaginations,
machinations,
all the while the gears
were already turning.

the egg (the dream)
was never,
not for an instant,
supposed to develop

it wasn't aborted,
it was the perfect participant
in life,
completely fulfilling its lifespan

could a 101 year old man really live one moment
past his prime?

nor an infant,
nor even a fetus,

the plan was never for the future,

the present was always only perfect

only a fiction,
a wild, wild fancy...

nothing that could ever
touch

the solid
immovable
Love

the sweetness

what if you live
in the sweetness
of a raven's nest,

where to fall
is to fly,
to crash
is to burn?

the egg on the sidewalk
is not a failure
to reproduce,
but simply an egg
on the sidewalk...

food for the hungry ants,
calcium for the soil,
the plants to grow,
color for the eye,
shining laquer drying in the sun,

a place not to step,
a space in a mother's life,
no mouth to feed,
no worms to catch,

space for who knows what

a lively dish--
special treat
for the raccoon,
dog, fox

a gift from Heaven,
so to speak,
and literally

she dropped into my lap
and all the stars smiled

and so it is

so everything you can possibly imagine

is

the sweetness
of the raven's nest

take notes

those terror stricken eyes
are your own,
Frankenstein,
war of the worlds,
is NOT a hollywood creation...

Hollywood is your creation

you don't like Fox News?
Hello, Self

what and whose
is the worst crime imaginable?

mine

mine

mine

take heed!

take notes!
literally

what are you thinking about it?
all the gore,
all the sorrow,
the disgust
is not some where else,
nor some other time

Love will be done
Now

Blessed are those who
hunger and thirst
after righteousness,
for they shall be filled

with this simple asking

is.it.true?

abatement of fear

the abatement
of fear

the haze
cannot remain
without your constant
effort, will, desire
for it

curtains fall
without a rod,
towels,
without a hand
holding them up

isn't the naked truth
already
the naked truth?

coal mines
are underground,
not in the sky

if i look out the window
i will not see what is within
unless
i realize
there is nothing BUT
a mirror
everywhere

that's All--
now the haze is gone,
confusion ended

no thing
but You
EVER

well, come Home,
ya hear, now?

Home,
Home,
no escape
from Home,
Self,
You

every place you look--
Home

all fear
is simply
the denial of this fact

there is no thing but You

amen.

house of fire

house
of fire

all thoughts
of refuse
(refusal)

burning up,
dis stilled,

in stillness
they simply
have no fuel

when you find out
it's all for you,
who would refuse this?

would you really turn away gifts?

would you really
refuse to unwrap
the package?

to receive/rejoin
with the space
held in
the empty box?

the space
in which to see

there is nothing
to want,

how lovely it is
to want nothing,
and to receive it,

you can never lose it,

the gift
of nothing,

death
is
your
birthright

what are you
without any
thoughts?

but to crash...

waves rise
but to crash!

there is not
a single
wave

remains
like a statue
in the sky

why
would "i"

remain so?

frozen,
immobile,
image of Virgin Mary
even,
dead!

who ever
a statue
was?

not even
for an instant
did you have hold of
the ground

the earth
was never
yours

even as you
were birthed from the soil,
you held nothing
at all

just a drifter,

not even a moment
is so

not even this...

what label could possibly
contain
the unboxable,
undefinable,
forever new,
forever unseen?

without a label

what are you?

without a band-it,
brand-it,
band-aid...

what?

where,
how

is the "edge"

where "you" end....
and an "other" be gins...?

sweet
heart
is
the merge-
ing
wave
crashing
crashing
crashing

all con cepts
into smitherings

yum
mee
warm
sun
shining ing ing i  n   g

c r   a    s    H !     !       !

being right
just hit
the dirt...

slid into the unfathomable depths

such a tiny tiny tiny mad (made uP) idea...

dissolved,
never to be seen/attached to
again

just try to find it,
(the rightness/the wrongness of that spider eating the fly...),
 blood dripping from it's lips...

that handful of soiled linen
in the SEE

all sheets
are white
threads
of cotton
plants
that from the blackest
soil
rose

all sails
fly
but
to crash

look for
the anchor,

the anchor,

where is your heart now,
mate?

where is your heart?

the ocean of your heart
on which all boats sail...
and sink
but to rise
and crash...

and crash and rise and sink...

i want...

honestly,
isn't it all just too big
for any human eye?

just how much bigger
than the earth
do you see yourself?

isn't it all just regurgitation,
"i"
"i"
"i"
me, me, me,
you, you, you?

all strains of the same theme

me first,
you second,(class)
or
you first,
me second(least of all)

same

without our
i phone
i mac
i can't
i am

what comes before
this i-dea?

turned around
looking at you,
i see "my" every move

my atomic bomb,
my criminal activity,
my own life behind bars,
my pretending
to know the answers
to the conjured problems
i have deliberately
inscribed on your face,
and then deny
that i have anything to do
with it

hah!

the masquerade ball.

i see everything i do
beCause I want to see it that way!

that is the whole deal

until it isn't...

investing in Self

Situation: I turned off the heat when I went out of town.
Pipes froze, broke, flooded. Floor, drywall, pipes needed replacing.
"Cost": close to $30,000 (I had been planning using for "retirement".
Insurance does not pay because I turned off the heat.)

I lost money. Is it true?

No. I know exactly where I put it.

Exactly.

I can see the new dry floor,
new paint,
new drywall,
soldered unleaking pipes,
new dishwasher (it got "damaged" too)
new sprayer for the sink (yep, it too)

I know exactly where
every penny
went.

A storage locker in the driveway for all my "stuff".

I gave it willingly
to the floor maker,
the paint maker,
the dehumidifier,
the men with muscles
who ripped up,
carried out,
hammered,
removed,
rebuilt,
re-con-structed

a place for me
to be comfortable,
warm
dry
and clean

a new window

a space
to do The Work,
to be dry,
connect with the dry computer,
commune with "people",
minds, me...
around "the world"

i cared for me,
and others
with that money

i put it out into
the Swirl

the current

the electricity of happenings,
happiness

yes, it is my happiness to have
a new floor,
to have the subfloor
dried out,
an environment without mold
and mildew,

fresh clean air,

and was it, the money, "mine"
in the first place?

to have
and to hold
(forever til death do us part...:-)

I certainly did not "make" it.
It didn't start with me.

really, what is the worth of it...
sitting in a bank/investment....
growing in interest
even working for me
as "they" say....?

perhaps
investing in me!!!
is the greatest investment
there is!

infinite return,
limitless

"interest"
growing awareness...
compounded

priceless,
far greater value than more "money"
absolutely invaluable,
immeasurable,
impossible to give a value to

forever un-lose-able,
not possible it be lost.

no cost
at all,
ever

to lose the false

is to experience the true,

Reality,

what a gift!

absolute grace