drunk! with gratitutde

drunk!
with gratitude

doesn't it sound delicious?

drink all you want

what a never ending party

dawn til dusk
and all night long

concept abuse...?

just a little doubting
of the concept
"not enough"

maybe even blasted...

but never attacked

only thrown up into the air,
tossed about
and seen from different angles,

the baby
bounced up and down
in the blanket

now laughs,
overflows,
supported and played with
by her brothers

so safe
when looked on with adoring eyes
and understanding

baby
now can walk
on her own,
no longer helpless
and crawling,
her heart sings
in gratitude
for this upright position
to see
all the beauty
surrounding surrounding surrounding

drunk!
with gratitude

doesn't it sound
delicious?

thankless nights

nothing moved

everyone asleep
where they stand
for 100 years

just waiting
for the prince,

of peace
to kiss.


gentleness,

oh gentleness,
dear loves,

is the way,

the narrow opening
to freedom
laughter

trans
ascension

the salad dressing
sits exactly where it is,
every speck on this counter,
"plate", fork, knife, salad, "me"
nothing separate,
no different

one
concept,
"i"

salad dressing my mirror of what "i" is,
of a concept
mind imagines,
a separate
thing,

a "need" not being met,
a thought
God is not

All
there is

the mirror turned away from me,
blind,
i see only the painted side,

"i" is the painting over
of God,
Clarity,
Under standing

salad,
a brush mark,
that can say
body
is life

the clock hasn't moved

time stands still
in the bottle,
in the concept,
of lack

lackadaisical reality

missing a heartbeat

a possibility
of the absence of joy

doubt

see now
how tall and strong
that dressing bottle stands

ever ready
never complaining
ever giving
ever of service
now!


have you noticed?!

all complaints
never come from the dressing bottle!

nothing
outside you ever 
says
a word


only you
interpret interpret interpret....

just like
the morning robin...

i sing and i sing and i sing
"my" song

have you ever
got down on your knees
to thank
the spices
in your cupboard?



here
is exactly
where any spice
in "your" life
is missing

rap on,
salad dressing,
rap on!

dedicated to the ones i love

There is nothing to fear.

There is no cruelty in God and none in me.    (acim wb 170)

airplane zooming down the runway

enter the blood and guts

straight into it



can you see
the innocence?

you lay the horror
on what?

on blood?

bones?

what is there?


what are you giving
to the red liquid,
mostly water,
minerals,
oxygen...

is this really
your child's life?
your brother's life?

is this
what you are claiming to
have lost?

can it really be
he's only koolaid?

resting here,
sanity
is restored,
allowed
once more
to smile
 on us

my dear lover is
not
red liquid
nor bones
nor hair
nor skin

the laughter
i felt,
feel

the warmth

the spirit

the gusto

the intensity
the passion!

heart
gratitude of
this
startling
imp

who shone/shines brightly
and taught me life
is so much more
than "me"

this being
was
light!

no amount of blood
or flesh

can ever give
or take away

the starlight
that remains
forever

go in

go in, dear one,
go in

i'll meet you there

tree of life
giver of all there is,
origin of all
that is

before time
before "love"
before "stillness"

before he
she

before branches

declaration
 speculation
and particular intimations

in form ation

pre
hard edges
concrete
diamonds before the rough

hazelnut ice cream
and delving into "it"

pause

let's reverse
 the movie

watch
how i walk backward
into the womb
not able to see a thing

there must be
someone else
undoing
"me"

unraveling tight knots

rest

peace

carnival!

carnival!
ride
in the hands of God

i fly
over here

sway sway sway over there
the octopus ride
swirl

screaming
hair flying
feeling a little sick even

no matter what the amusement path
looks like

i cannot leave God

tunnel of love
entreats

yet tunnel of love
is all of it

freaking out
nightmare

am i held
in all safety

deepest love beyond
the human mind

acquiescence
aqueous solution

warmth dissolves
simply melts
the cold

so my heart
melts

simply melts

and all the world
is
my lover

without a sign

wholeness
is far more
than the sum of its parts

how silly to think
wholeness
could
ever
be parted

taken a  part

partitioning
petitioned

here is the only mistake
ever conceived

"you"
are not you at all

there's only ever
all of it

safety can only ever be found
in truth

and truth must
contain all of it

"you" cannot leave truth: be separate from whole

take away all the signs in the world,
street signs
countries,
businesses,
addresses
phone numbers
birth certificates
maps
church signs
school signs
zodiac signs
park signs
border signs
river signs
men's and woman's bathroom signs
speed limits
and sheriffs badges...

every sign you can imagine...

and what is there?


sky holds no signs

do you see how  never ending it is?

so
all

without the sign
i assign

All must be Love

(the last sign...)

ahhhhh....

beyond earth

higher than the highest flight
the tallest tree
building
mountain

farther than the universe
contained in my mind

freer than the wings
wind
kites

the laughter
pours through

in great guffaws

silent smiles

and unseen closed eyes

rolling across the moonlit field

lighting up
the inside
of the sphere,
the crust of apparent surfacing tension

nothing can hold together
what laughter blows apart!

unshattering... the mirror

i allow the disassembly,
the dispersal
of all shapes

into flowing ness

torrential downpour,
an ice cube

one horse sleigh,
a car

manure,
my ear of corn of the cob

butter all juicy and melted,
the teat of a cow

friend
into enemy
and back into friend

the evasion,
equation,
of taxes

into lightyears of generosity,
Santa,
contributions
to rainforest
indigenous
people
children
ants
my heart

full blown
love
hurricane power
to
save
the shattered mind
and
find the harmonious
reconstitution
of my body

a pipe here,
exhaust over there

where is the street?

these parts
are not of this world,
but
completely constituted
in my mind

no wonder
sometimes
they don't fit!

battered walls

when  battered walls
and battered bats
and bruised heart
is still

charred remains,
ashes,

of what?

of nothing
you ever wanted

nothing real
can ever burn
nor bruise

that's how
you know
insanity
from
Love

insanity hurts
and
love
never does

ageless

wallpaper
long since covered

why
tell me why
would i spend this moment
focused on the wallpaper
five layers under
in my grandmother's house?

i'm a new girl
fresh born

lightening sparks
now

fireworks
of beauty

stillness

eternal

it's all the same
from stillness:

1920 or 2020
old wallpaper
or new

receive

this fish
is in my mouth
 now

ageless task:

rest

now

re ceive

every feather,
that one        
shiny black feather,
the only one that will ever be,
micrometer of lift
ever so slightly curved by the unseen current

the grace , momma!

of her
 wing ing

i am
her   ing    now

for you

dear most precious child, you

in stillness
the dove's
song

for you

your whole life

lullaby
break of day
afternoon tuning

the fly's buzz,
the shiny steel bolt gleaming in the sunlight

how perfectly complete
and never ending,
the patient artist

not one
comma
not for you

oh Father, oh Love!
the gifts
far beyond measure

what else to do
but receive
receive

receive

last sip of coffee
in my bright red cup,
God

thank you....
thank me
thanks up coming

fear not...death

love
was behind
every word you ever uttered,
every action,
every thought

love,
the engine,
source

all murder,
calling for help

help me, Love

give me just one
firefly
to reassure me

i will go to all ends
of the earth
to find you, God,
to get to the bottom of this

behind prison bars,
in the mud of a grave,
the holder of a smoking gun

i raise my voice
and slay my lover

dear God

i will do anything,
look under every rock,
go to the very hardest places on earth,
leave no stone unturned

whatever it will take
to
reach
the
depth
of
my
soul

love
 is

 behind
every
thing

thinning air

being done

pulled back,
withdrawing
from the fray

by the suction
of absence

the once was,
no longer

where does illusion go
once its seen as historical?

shimmering dissipation,
no atoms left
at all

wavering
on the edge

between magnetism
and nothingness,
unknown

is very attractive
to the curious

being done,
unequivocal

the unseen
open space
feels kinder

than a carpet,
a vacuum cleaner,
and a bag of dirt

perhaps
the undoing
isn't mine

perhaps
the undoing,
the de-piecing,
the open spaceturizing,
without gravity,
allows
expansion
between the grates

to lift you,
distance you
from
your
skin,
so thinning,
see through
see through
see through

overalls
blowing in the fresh air
all hung out to dry

where am i?

there's something
very thin
about this air
now

where
am
"i"?

who told you?

mind channels you

lays a map
to configure

complexity

"dirt is not edible"

yet pregnant women seek out clay/minerals
to eat

some africans eat insects
Chinese, rats, dogs

how off are we?
what lies are we living by?

what fears
unfounded

ALL

who told you death is bad?

were they dead?!?

were they a qualified witness?

do you believe what everyone tells you?

friendship
blossoms

dirt is not barren,
empty

nothing
is rich

the source
of all

there is nothing to fear
about nothing

invisibility
is
not
nothing

never been before

is it "a strawberry"

or

water

mud

sunlight?

who decides?

and is it true?

what am i?

gone

can't be named

it's new now

gone

never been before

never

been

before

what am i?

stay open

to the question

open 

open

open

that's all there is to do

not human, rap on!

what am i,
if for a moment,
i can't believe the thought
that i am human?

i can fly,
float,

dis perse,
being everywhere all at once,

hibernate
infinite patience
eternal

i'm all of it
rock
stream
water
earth
air
fire
airplane
sun
moon
stars
darkness
light
you
china
sand
fish
urban sprawl,
one person town,
bars
churches
fairies
maidens
knights
chivalry
brutality,
outer space,
inner space
where all lives

watcher
beholder

a beholder of humans,
ants,
roaches,
no difference,
no greater,
no less

creation
love
all one

without the thought i am a human being...

everything else exists too,
up to par,
at the same level

no
everything revolving around "me", "human"

do you see
the earth
holds your feet?
gives you flowers?
 strawberries,
just rise up from the dust!
a miracle!
continuous!

being
 thought, thought, thought...

behold

you, too, are miraculous,
just look
in the mirror...!

behold
behold
be

hold

the love

coming up through the ground

at your feet...


gazillions

and more

miraculous

how could i ever be greater
or less

than a single blade
of grass?

oh brilliant Sonlight
rap on!

so very right

something so very right with me

the paper unfolds
the flower opens
opens
opens
opens
to give
to reveal,
reveal,
unending
 revealing

opposite of defense
shut tight
against attack
layers and layers and layers of shells
barricaded to keep out
bayonets

no sunlight allowed
no kindness allowed to exist

open the valve
by giving
all you love

be
the intimacy
you adore

hold nothing back
from anyone

you are
 your heart

 you live
everywhere

there is nowhere
It would hide

hearts
speak one language

one language

Openness

removing the blade

removing the blade,

oh, the flower!
oh, the delicate tenderness,
totally penetrable,
no resistance whatsoever
to hold "you" out,
to withhold anyone,
to perceive a difference
where there isn't one



dagger or perfume

that's it

add nothing to it

there is nothing more complicated than this

right now

dagger or perfume,

what are you?

there's something right with me

there's something right
with me

yes,
a crack of lightening

you are enabled

given divine jurisdiction

to break open
with lightening

to  electrify
 your buried soul

the runaway
hiding in the closet
thinking all kinds of crazy stories...
punishment but hovering hovering hovering

clarity is you,
who with no effort
is
the absence
the alternative
the light bulb
ever there
ever
ever
ever

ready to run rampant everywhere
electrons bouncing bouncing bouncing
off walls and ties and coat hangers,
completely cleaning out all nonsense, confusion

darkness cannot 
change the fact
that coat is blue!!!

i
am
the lightening

you have no choice!
the coat is blue


denial is amusing and temporary


the blaze of glory 
is


even while you imagine


what else 
could possibly 
give you
so much power,


but Power, Herself?


there is something very, very right,
light 
with you!

Heaven is you

Heaven is you

i am not a body
i am not local
mind is not physical/body

it imagines the concept of limit/guilt

playful....
what if....
crash, crackle, pop!
you are fried!

such a play,
drama,
burned out victims
destitute
again

the imagination/dreamer
holds all the possibilities
and none of them are true

the dreamer will never be the dream

it's only a toy

it is not so
you are not trapped in the dream/belief

simply ask
and the Sanity you are
will dawn
on every single concept
you ever held tight

you are not local

laying in bed
i dream of China, Egypt, screaming monkeys!
can you see that if you look in the room?
no! nothing there at all


it only hurts 
if i think/believe i am trapped
in this dream/body...


help, help
let me out of this crazy world/racing mind
looking everywhere for rest
and finding none

symbols,
so the body,
for service
or separation

every  moment
of your imagination

Heaven is You
Heaven is You
Heaven
is
You

pickled heart

pickled heart

she put it in a jar

and watched as the brine

filled in every cranny

is that it?

really?

can it be

that

is anything, really?

where is the music now?

the vibrant heat,

the can't wait one more second bursting bursting bursting?

was it played

on this instrument?

who is the player?

who

is

the life

that made

this dead piece of flesh

electrify?

we are not flesh

mud

can't drive a car,

nor  make one

Life

what is it?

you cannot fool the heart

you hold so proud

your tomahawk

you have convinced yourself its true

the warrior

all feathered up

the drums a beat to fuel

yet wings are not opened here

only bound,

when feet are glued

to ground

you cannot fool the heart

at all

you cannot fool the heart

the grids in books accounting numbers

and days and years and hours

and pounds and stocks and bondings

so

in every inch

i cannot grow

i leap to climb out of this map

my wings to stretch and flare

to push off this ground,

leap from this nest

where only nestlings worry

there is a place

above this nest

that wings are given to carry

your tomahawk

is old

and weak

and too heavy for this flight

lay down

your coffin

in battle is

you feathers stolen from other birds

your own wings

are in your pocket

fly on

fly on

fly on!

guidance

she tells me what to do

i bind her hands
and tie her feet

she offers the simple direction,
the way
for this moment

go here
do this

and "i" give the reasons why not

i'll do it later
i don't feel like it
it might rain or be too hot later
i have something more important to do
(than support myself right now)

i can do it tomorrow
there's no hurry

i'd rather loaf

all the advice, all the guidance
in the world
does me no good
whatsoever
if i don't follow it
in this moment

that's all there is to it

one thing
now

no waiting for some big lightening bolt,
for some great feeling of love in my heart
i can tell everyone about...

it's the quiet voice,
the simplest instruction,

just notice
how often
you say no

that's the light
you are looking for

whose leading your life?

Universal Joy
or tiny needs me,

if you feel any guilt at all,
you can be sure you are listening to tininess

past and future
are channels of fantasy...

just
do
the
thing
in
front
of
you
now

child molester

i hold myself prisoner
underground
in a dark dungeon

this
little child
who in innocence
didn't know her words
meant something bad
to adults

and seeing their reaction
she was frightened
but did not have a clue
what to do
or not to do

confused
and tentative,
her laughter stifled

now she must
walk slowly,
at first sign
of another's discontent,

try something else,
this that the other
until a smile appears
again

and a moment of reprieve
is earned


dear little angel,
you cannot be deficient
in any way

your loveliness remains
behind
your guardedness

i slowly enter
this dungeon

where so long ago
i locked up
this babe

child molester
of my Self

innocence
buried
underground

behind a crime,
a sentence
with no foundation,

the light in the darkness
has never gone out

the star in the deepest mine
under all the rubble,
all the fear ever imagined,

innocence survives

survives

breathing
still

in perfect radiance

reality
reality
reality
baby girl
innocent flesh

Being
what she Is

tapping in

tapping in
aquifer
bedrock

water does
flow through rock...
sandstone is porous,
not solid
as it seems

tapping in

oh the love
that lives
the miracles
the joyous children
sliding down the hill
laughing in delight

the child
you never left

no stone
can hold you back

all ideas of blocking love
are porous

know this

whatever it is,
let it rest in your hand,
see for yourself
all the holes in the argument
against love,
truth,

against the basic goodness

of a tree/me

isn't it silly now?
really silly
you could find fault at all?

oh how nice and strong
the tree
chair
door
floor
firewood
toothpick
ladder
popsicle stick
fence post
futon....
and on and on and on...

the gifts
of every single thing
you look at!

it cannot be true
that what is there
is not there.

at least you can admit
you are not absolutely certain
you are right...

and that
is where
God smiles

and the water
drips through
the rock...

drip

drip

one
drip

at

a

time

barbed wire kiss

barbed wire kisses

yes,
fearlessness

is never barbed

she sees
what is

the blade,
not as a device
for separation,
for slicing and dicing
and chopping reality
on the block

but lo,
how could a blade,
a jagged wire,
be
a kiss of God,
bringing gentleness
to the very center of unrest,
rebellion, revolution
against
the dearest, tenderest
Divinity?

in stillness
it allows
the jagged to speak
to scream
to bleed
out
to tantrum
its' disguises:

i am hurt
i am bored
i am dead inside
i cannot bear this emptiness another moment!

in song,
blues,
it is expressed aLOUD!

it charges through the tunnel!
out of the guitar,
the throat,
up and out of my sickened chest

to hit!
the air,
yes,
ah, finally...
to be flushed out
into the spacious,
the endless spaciousness...

disperse
in the pounding pounding pounding
of the drum
thunder
lightening,

after the storm

radiance
once more
dew drops

yes, no lie,
and no romanticism,
the rainbow
appears of its own accord,

the natural oneness of light and tears

be not afraid
that barbs will harm

bring them
in their full expression
to the light

and feel
the kiss
of God/No Hiding


there is no jagged barb
that does not hold out for you
the most gentle kiss
of your very own heart

amen

kissing you

without the thought "i need..."

i am
a brilliant  frisky hibiscus
 for you

exactly
all the heart
that is larger than any dreamed up container

every touch here

an opening
delicious
reverence
scent wafting over shoulders around hips,
 scented eyes
melt all past ideas
soothe release the tensed flinched vessel
rest giving awakeness
comfort of no wrong possible
welcome
home into this "no one ever donnit"
the weedless garden,
where all "criminals" are but my laughter now...we joke at our past perceptions and prison cells now abandoned for best friends who've been  waiting all our life
just outside the door
for "me" to walk out  of denial

so tender hearted
velvet petals

 lay here
your words
your tears
your laughter
your truth

your beauty is my own,
my ears, but for my own
 heart to be spoken through you

your silence
in the corner
looking from afar,
mine too,

there is nothing you need do,
nothing else
to be done

this is it!

everything there ever is
here now, friend

no other instant
to celebrate!

can you feel the pink ruffles yellow pollen fuzzy bees buzzing honey exuberance in the breeze so gently
so gently
kissing you?