mud dripping from the ceiling

mud
dripping from the ceiling today
as i sat on the couch
in my usual way

today wasn't going to be clean and nice,
no, instead i ate  chocolate and chewed on ice

there's something underneath me
inside
that's not right
it's bad and it's wrong and it's blinding my sight

i want to be vanilla,
 not covered with sauce,
but i seem to be trying to be in charge like a  boss,
to make myself spiritual,
kind and sweet,
and it just isn't working--
 an impossible feat

to chisel and form
 an idol i made
when i already am
all that Heaven can be

imagine Love and Happiness
smothered by a blanket
and i'm trying to hide from them
even though they are my parents

it will never work
to keep mom and dad
under the living room rug
they just don't fit and it's far too snug

and i'm lonely without them
and missing my feet
it's very hard to walk and move and breathe
when i've thrown my heart out
for the seagulls to eat

i see there's nothing really wrong with me,
except i think i exist
all alone in a box,
without a parent
or heart
nor even socks

just a crazy idea
that can never be true,
there can't be a me
without a you

so thank you dear brother and mom and dad
and father and sister and all that i have

i see it's ridiculous
to think i'm alone,
if that really was true
there'd be no use for phones

and since phones are everywhere
it must be true
the wisest words i can say
are
i love you

so let the mud fall,
who cares
when you love,
just catch it
and feel it
and play with it all

there's something for me
in every black hole

a surprise
i've been denying

my very own
soul