mud dripping from the ceiling

mud
dripping from the ceiling today
as i sat on the couch
in my usual way

today wasn't going to be clean and nice,
no, instead i ate  chocolate and chewed on ice

there's something underneath me
inside
that's not right
it's bad and it's wrong and it's blinding my sight

i want to be vanilla,
 not covered with sauce,
but i seem to be trying to be in charge like a  boss,
to make myself spiritual,
kind and sweet,
and it just isn't working--
 an impossible feat

to chisel and form
 an idol i made
when i already am
all that Heaven can be

imagine Love and Happiness
smothered by a blanket
and i'm trying to hide from them
even though they are my parents

it will never work
to keep mom and dad
under the living room rug
they just don't fit and it's far too snug

and i'm lonely without them
and missing my feet
it's very hard to walk and move and breathe
when i've thrown my heart out
for the seagulls to eat

i see there's nothing really wrong with me,
except i think i exist
all alone in a box,
without a parent
or heart
nor even socks

just a crazy idea
that can never be true,
there can't be a me
without a you

so thank you dear brother and mom and dad
and father and sister and all that i have

i see it's ridiculous
to think i'm alone,
if that really was true
there'd be no use for phones

and since phones are everywhere
it must be true
the wisest words i can say
are
i love you

so let the mud fall,
who cares
when you love,
just catch it
and feel it
and play with it all

there's something for me
in every black hole

a surprise
i've been denying

my very own
soul

mama fell down

mama

sat by the stair

one day

for most of her life

waiting 

to be

lifted up

mama sat

by the stare

wonday

waiting

to be liftedup

mom, uh, sat

by the ssss tears oneday

waiting

waiting

waiting

to be

up 

lifted

mamasat,

like a thermostat,

by the steers

wunday

waiting to get turned up,

tuned up...

mama

fell down,

feeled down,

the stairs 

one day

and found

she couldn't get up

mama

lay down

at the bottom of the stairs,

a long long way down,

at the very bottom 

of the stairs,

in the basement

on the cold cement floor

and screamed in pain

at her broken bones,

broken image,

cracked mirror

she threw up

her guard

watched

her control

roll away

out of reach

and findally

she landed

square

in the center

of God

thank you was the whisper

that blew all around

and landed....

everywhere....

don't throw away the cat's purr!

God exists.

Is it true?

no. God is whatever "i" am making it up to be---my version

who are you without the thought God exists?

free
no where else to go
nothing to attain
end of struggle
to get somewhere
to get "it"
to change something

without the thought God exists
i'm  seeing what is--not missing it!
really present
listening
appreciating all the little details

his phone call
his voice
seeing this is all there is
the tiniest sound
 just the sound of his voice makes me feel warm
how amazing the tone, the quality, how very kind,
like a soothing blanket,
all else washed away
in this one note
and combinations
of music,
harmony and dis...

and oh!
the laughter!
feeling  it

overflowing
abundance

so receiving

this horn
this trumpet
in my mind
for me

Love
sounding its horn

without the thought God exists
(something else exists/
something more exists)...

Heaven/Having all
is...
no where else

listen
listen
listen

don't throw away the cat's purr!


this is it

all you will ever have


no future/God will ever give you more than you have/are right now

without the tornado

what are you


without the tornado?

without the ever present storm?

roughrider,
shootin' up the town,

a barroom sprawl,

without the gripe against your older sister
from when you were a "kid",

without the image of your mother crying,

without the need for money in your wallet,
money in your wallet,
money in your wallet...

how much
how many
how few

he got more than me!


without a past,
another body/moment,
image,
to compare "you" to

without any expectation from society/you,

what is?

nothing the world has ever taught you
will help you here...

this is the edge....

the threshold...

not to acquire

anything
from anyone

but to question
everything
you now hold precious...

ex cit ing....              ....          ...    ...   . . .

the listening space

the Way
is very quiet

it's a listening garden

a bench
where you sit down
stop walking
go neither backward
nor forward
nor up
nor down
nor sideways

just
listen

silence is the doorway

behind it,
 everything you are
everything you've ever wanted

all truth
you've blocked
from your  daily operating system

moving without direction:
chaotic past
chaotic future

unsettled feeling

The Garden
is a listening space

where your heart grows

Meet    Your    Heart,

the kindest
dearest
most intimate lovemaking
you've ever known

flowers
perfume
misting

you can never visit here
even once
and leave Her
again

She is,
Joy is,
Heaven

Listen/Garden

Mind/Garden

Bench yourself.

 notice

the Garden
ever blooming
lush
exquisitely
still
completely absent of fear....

pillow

pillow

 of stillness

all stars shooting through

flashes of light

unhindered

by atmosphere

pure 

space

no time to travel

here is there

one

reflection

each of all

pillow of no distinction

borders inconceivable

distance unheard of

"instantaneous" even an outdated concept

timeless

is where time never existed at all

no shift 

possible in purity

pillow

of pure stillness

resting

resting

resting

neon sign

you
are the neon sign

of my hidden guilt
my denial
my unconcious
what i don't believe about myself

you
dear streetwalking hobo
vagrant
peddler
hustler

thank you, dear God,
for this
amazing sight

the inside of my mind
these images
my thoughts

i sought to keep
from my ownership,
a trick,
to forget i
put them there

every word out of their mouth,
every claim,
every judgement
every wound
every crime

my own

neon signs
everywhere
i look
listen

my thoughts

thank you, God,
for this truth

now i can hold the dear
one
in my hands

my own child

at last we meet again

peace maker
it is you i have longed for
all my life

the hidden parts
of myself

now their innocence is bright

and in this Light,
oh in this light

there is
nothing else

no more two
no more other
no more dark
no more comparison

Nothing Else

Nothing
Else


One

and
not even...
that...