self portrait

without the thought

"i disappoint you"/

"i am a disappointment"(to me, to God, to others)...

without comparison/grievances...

She's just

what she is

this song

this feather

resting on this branch

in this moment

this color eye

and this curl of hair

in that exact position,

not one hair different,

not one cell less

or

more

as complete and perfect

as this particular one

can be

the pause,

the exact measure,

the crescendo

spilling out at 11:07 pm

just after she placed the 7th

chocolate chip and coffee bean

on her tongue,

and that particular thought

arrived...

oh oh oh the ocean that swells!

25 feet high now!

and one inch

on Tuesday in Jamaica.

so she is quiet now,

so she has found a way

to wait

on the shore,

to catch the lightening bolt

in her fingers,

place it so tenderly upon this page,

and watch it

burn

the way

to her heart,

open fire

open fire,

this one

as she slowly places her

dear children in the fire,

offers them up

and sees she never

held

anything she ever really wanted

clarity

Clarity

for this one,

this Son

without the thought

"i'm a disappointment."

don't you just love burning trash?

my open rooms

clear halls

cleared out tunnels

where i can swoop and sway

and swirl

in jazzy flashes

of delight

completely unhindered

by flesh

marble

without the thought of "i"

world whirling by

blurs of color

all motion

flow

overlay

overlay

over

layers and layers and layer of voices

all at once

indecipherable

inseparable

the child's cry

from that

toy broke

money fell

tears

ocean flow

inseparable waves

you and me, me and you, us and them

indecipherable

call and response

one

one

one

Song

musical engines

traffichum

naer a space

no no no

naer a no

all no's, but yesses

tell me

tell me

tell me

where does

onething stop

and another start?

i cannot see

without i

without i

without i...

marble

She sprang through!

a daisy

smiling

slender

waving in the breeze

so happy

to be in the sun

its leaves outstretched

to receive

the love of the Universe

from every where

open

wide open

to receive

to love

pouring through

to extend

wider valve

through this voice

this venue

She sprang through

when "i" wasn't looking

when "i" was asleep...

taking a short nap,

She leapt into my life,

no turning back

no undoing

this exposure

this nakedness

at last

experiencing

what it feels like

to wear

no costume

only an instant

and All is given,

re turned

un covered

one instant

of open mind

holding on to nothing

claiming no image

to be true

She

is

here

no future happiness

Our Father Who art in Heaven

Hallowed be Thy Name

Thy Kingdom is,

Thy Will is

now

let me behold it

now

let me see the infinite Love

rushing to me

through me

in this

holy instant

not one instant in the future,

not one form

do i ask to be different

nothing more

than to behold

the infinite Love

i am now

Give us our daily bread:

to see

what lies

still sit

in my mind

keeping

this truth

from full realization

As we forgive

what never has occurred,

lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil,

from denial of the truth: loss is impossible.

When the false falls,

we re turn

to Truth,

which we never left,

but now look on again,

being far more comfortable

than living in someone else's skin

imaging a life without substance,

cooked up

out of fear

taking huge and constant effort

to make

this fearful image

look pretty

tomfoolery, too,

trickery of mind

to think this picture, this id

is the real one

the idols keep falling

falling

falling,

of course,

forever more

you are safe

you are safe

you are safe, Love

as each idol falls now

we give but thanks

to re turn

Home

to You,

to what You really are,

rest now

relax now

it's all just a dream

kiss that boy, that man,

who never was what you made him out to be...

never was

but Love,

so dear

not here to cause you pain,

no no no,

that was your job, dear,

done very well

so glad to see

the laundry is coming off the line

now

and i can see

the golden kisses

on the hill

in my own backyard

For Ours is the Kingdom: All of it

and the power: All Power in Heaven and earth is you,

and the glory

forever

without question

desert spring

the Mother,

Sanity, Truth, Home,

you've always wanted,

since time began,

and space and "lack",

separation/body

you never left,

and nothing ever left

Her,

freedom from sin/guilt,

Clear Sky

clouds are not the universe,

the whole

rich,

they are nutrition

nurturing,

the feeding

One Thing

i open my mouth

wide

to receive

these gifts

of thunder,

lightening,

wind,

darkness

i guzzle

the torrent

like a baby with it's bottle,

it's mother's nipple

i do not exist

apart

from this lifeline

what insanity

to wish

it would not rain

to wish the sunshine would

remain always

how dry and thirsty

my throat,

a raisin

in the sun

thank you for the sanity

that sees

its oneness

with the rain

that dreads nothing,

opposes

no thought at all

each drop

of thought,

a sprinkle,

a choice

to give thanks...

or to wish

water would disappear

from earth

and die

desert spring

thank you, brother,

for your "sins"

i see they are

but flowers

in my garden

i wish nothing

to be different

or

i but burn in hell

desert spring:

beyond my thinking

let the rain drown me

from my dreams

rest, child, rest

rest, Child, rest

i hold you

i am the Mother

you have always wanted,

and cried for

in the night

i hold you

without fear

you can see

straight

you are not pulled

to attach yourself,

rope yourself,

to a person, place, or situation

for your "safety", security, identity,

to see yourself as nothing

and needing

this

this

this

without fear,

you are simply free

to walk the world,

unencumbered

totally relaxed

uncontracted,

love

is visible,

received,

ever inflowing

and out,

a sieve,

flowing through,

being what it is,

given

given

given

extension

not of you,

but you of it,

inseparable,

nature

relaxed

when i squint my eyes to see,

i do not see,

i blur reality

in my striving

eyes relaxed,

not looking for anything,

love is everywhere,

every speck a gift,

unexplored,

an invitation

to open

to stay

open

tunnel vision

or

the whole horizon

or

even bigger than 360 degrees,

is four dimensions,

and five

and six

and the numberless...

don't know

don't know

don't know...

mystery,

mystical

swoosh

it takes my breath away,

beyond my imagination,

my body,

my identity,

my mind, my thinking,

such a little trinket,

left for a moment

to sparkle on the ground

in the sunlight

what a silly, silly mistake

to ever have thought

it

was the Sun/Son

rest, child, rest

place your tired head

upon my shoulder

you are Home

best friendliness

boys play in clubhouses and girls like to tag along

and i have my own clubhouse

with goddess

mother

star of wisdom

star of light

star of royal beauty bright

inward leading

still preceding

spending time

in the clubhouse today

in total friendliness

best friendliness

can say anything

everything given expression

put on the altar

not a speck left to tell--withheld

fully exposed

in defenselessness

my safety lies

promotion

there is nothing

Love won't do for you

to help you

wake up

to see

there is no substitute

for truth

as each thing leaves

you turn within

and see it is so,

remember,

reconnect...

another idol fell,

another attempt to look outside of you

to find you,

another attempt

not to satisfy,

fulfill

your love of God,

your hunger

for truth,

but to worship

haphazardly,

missing the mark

there is nothing

Love won't do

to eliminate

the blocks

to Itself...

dissolve,

resolve,

everything

that leaves

is getting

out of your way

making clear

your path

inward

to truth

promoting you

you arise

in benefits

raising the dead

i keep thinking

Lazarus should rise

from the dead

the past

should play

again

forgetting

it wasn't that great

the first time

twisting truth

to play the lie again

one more time

rerun,

temptation,

attraction to the past

and future

temptation,

attraction,

to fantasy,

to overlook the present

reality,

peace,

wholeness

trickster mind,

diversion

diversion

diversion,

leave

leave

leave

this moment,

attention,

curiosity,

what's happening?

the twisted tale,

underworld

keeps reaching up

out of the muck

to strangle it

hear her,

give her room

and space

let her come

and perform

her spill,

to scare you,

to get you to fall for it

one more time

just watch

without resistance

you can almost feel the sweat

spray off her forehead

virtual

reality

there's only one little thing missing

from the story

it's not true

clayfulness

clayfulness

how loving is this thought

everything putty in my hands, literally

are you my lover

or my killer?

wow!

what power!

this sculptor has

one flick of a finger

and you are down,

clayfulness

now the angel that lives me

oh dear dear dear God

am I

Heaven is a decision I must make

now

tender mouths

silence

lets other people

speak

your truth

you have denied to yourself

your unconcious

is simply

what you are hiding from yourself

silence

meets these thoughts,

opens wide the space to hear

invitation

to poetry

watch

these tender mouths

about you

from their lips

these jewels

are yours

shared treasures

fountaining

out of God

in the light

we can both

see them sparkle

thank you thank you thank you

for your honesty

open book

open book

the last book you'll ever read

revealed

unveiled

in quiet

as you sit,

watch,

wait

the still

small

voice

of silence,

is the pathway through

the crowd,

the throngs,

of ideas,

concepts as people,

pressing upon you

the parting of the sea

that

you may walk through,

cross

moses

is

silence

the laws,

thou shalt have no other gods before me

is not a commandment,

but the nature of reality

nothing but Love

exists

no other idea can hold

against this fact

pretend all you want

nothing outside you will

ever give you

your happiness

oh,

this is funny,

i see it now...

upon my open slate

this morning

i am given the first commandment,

the underlying truth

of All that is,

the oldest testament to Love

timeless,

upon my couch,

this timeless voice,

this timeless truth,

God is

and nothing else is

this truth

does

undo

all mountains

equal ground

justice for all

beyond time

beyond space

beyond fear

silence

listen

mystery

revealing

now

speechless

of fire

of love

"of"

re stores the relationship

of

ov um

the question appears

"what are You?"

re turn (back around)

to God

to what?

of what?

of What are you?

without needing to know

just relax into

of

feel yourself

resting on the cloud,

held,

supported

"out of thin air"

of air

of nothing

it seems...

can it be

that nothing

is a "magic box"

that the unseen,

the invisible,

is not really

nothing?

the "don't know"

the mystery

sacred

untouched

unimagined,

unseen is un-imaged

without a picture,

a concept

for it,

does it mean

nothing is there?

perhaps nothing conceivable,

being

uncontainable

no words

be fore words,

backwords,

in back of words

no other gods,

words,

concepts,

be fore

me, God: no word

without needing to know

allow

no need to understand:

listen

listen

listen

listen

listen

listen...

you will be told

Love will blaze a pathway

of

Itself

Heaven

perfectly harmonic

smiles:

creation

simply arriving

simply arriving

simply (you play no part)

arriving...

mystery

mind wants to crack it,

this "nut"

to box it

describe it

analyze it

predict it

organize it

market it

teach it

a product with an instruction booklet

to be "mastered"

and rated

and evaluated

to be the knower of It

to have dominion over It...

over it's Own Creator

the child,

to understand

the Father

is to miss the Father's Love

to learn of the Father,

is to listen

allow Heaven to speak

beyond your wildest dreams

beyond your imagination

beyond your little concepts

just allow

this moment

in full glory

open

to the Infinite

right here,

right now:

i see

the Love of God

is shining

in "a jade plant",

the dancer

curving

so gracefully,

beauty,

brand new

creation

tender

innocent

infinite

i have never seen this

before,

never seen

anything

so beautiful

speechless

of

"of"

is why

there is no "i"

contemplate "of"

it's the whole picture

water pours out "of" the faucet

one (substance)

no separate identity/quality/nature

ever

of

God

no "i"

only God comes of God

the same

extending out

"of"

is truer

than

"i" (made up concept of separate, image)

no view of "eye"/i

in water,

any one point

isn't possible

no pause in flow

no separate paused position

"of"

is the

corrected perspective

of "i"

the frame around everything: "of"

it comes of

something

water,

no stop

no start

continuous flow

all

of

all

one

of God,

the same,

but not the originator

the child,

not the Father,

though like Him in every way

effect,

not cause

sourced

wholly dependent

"of"

the umbilical cord still in place

100% shared Identity

"of"

missing nothing

supplied

supported

the connecting pre-position...of God

no need to "get",

being "of"

no need to

to defend,

being "of"

provided for

of

(told)

of,

not discrete

"of": our true relationship to the Father/Reality/the invisible

"of"

rights

the upside-down

backward

way of seeing

"of": all safety

One

of

Service

"of"

is why

there is

no "i"

contemplate

"of"

sister kitty

sister kitty

loves me

inside

she purrs

to calm me down

to gently

massage

the tension

the mind contracts

contracting

dis ease

re lax ing

the kitty

absorbs the Sonlight,

follows it about the Home

free for the receiving

pouring down

pouring through

coming to

shade or light

whatever kitty

prefers

i've noticed

my kitty

always accepts the gift

of warmth

and light

so

natural

re-maining

he's off

the ship has left

the dock

to sail the world

unseen

i remain

at Home

stature

of liberty

Holiness,

the lighthouse,

torch,

the lady holding the lamp

the cat

in the bag,

trickster mind

under wraps

free now

to walk anywhere,

long broad footsteps,

stepping wide across the desert,

over the mountain range

one step in the ocean

and out the other side

hands

able to reach the stars

and collect them

in her purse

or perhaps

rub them in her hair

and like fireflies

let them dance about her face

woman of light,

teardrops of moonlight

falling gently down her cheeks,

but cleaning out

the ancient ducts

blocked so long ago

by dirt and dust

lady of light

reaching in the window

in the morning

to wake you from your dreams,

and let you

read

by candlelight,

the eternal flame

the eternal flame

the eternal

flame

re

mains