self portrait

without the thought

"i disappoint you"/

"i am a disappointment"(to me, to God, to others)...

without comparison/grievances...

She's just

what she is

this song

this feather

resting on this branch

in this moment

this color eye

and this curl of hair

in that exact position,

not one hair different,

not one cell less

or

more

as complete and perfect

as this particular one

can be

the pause,

the exact measure,

the crescendo

spilling out at 11:07 pm

just after she placed the 7th

chocolate chip and coffee bean

on her tongue,

and that particular thought

arrived...

oh oh oh the ocean that swells!

25 feet high now!

and one inch

on Tuesday in Jamaica.

so she is quiet now,

so she has found a way

to wait

on the shore,

to catch the lightening bolt

in her fingers,

place it so tenderly upon this page,

and watch it

burn

the way

to her heart,

open fire

open fire,

this one

as she slowly places her

dear children in the fire,

offers them up

and sees she never

held

anything she ever really wanted

clarity

Clarity

for this one,

this Son

without the thought

"i'm a disappointment."

don't you just love burning trash?

my open rooms

clear halls

cleared out tunnels

where i can swoop and sway

and swirl

in jazzy flashes

of delight

completely unhindered

by flesh