chomp

the heart is not a duplex

there's no storage
of false information

there's no compartment
for hiding

there's just
one blazing fire

no thing left

no refrigerator,
no freezer,
no north pole
or south

there's nothing
that can escape it

it's coming for you
now

right now

see that "tree"
that "sky"
that "voice'

these words

it's the fire of Love
here to burn you up

and turn you into cinders

that's what it's all for

the end
of "you"

every crumb,

gobble,
gobble,
gobble...

get it?

:-)))

nothing else

your Heart is singing
and where are you?

your Heart needs nothing,
She cannot be silenced,
She cannot be put out

Life is not mortal.
Life springs eternal.

"it" has a plan,
some little plan,
to grab a crumb
of safety,
such a little plan

and your Heart,
like a raging forest fire
lights up everything

every little thing
cannot be seen at all
without your Heart

it shines now on your face, dear one,
let go,
melt into it,
all your little fears,
boundaries, borders,
restrictions, defenses
cannot hold long against Love

you need not worry about
the outcome,
all wax melts in the warmth,

there is no ice
that does not melt
in the sun

so you, dear one,
are over
already

there is nothing else
you need to be

between the words

life is spontaneous,

is there really any question?

only glazed eyes,
looking "back",
looking "forward"

could possibly worry

thought,
pre ordained,
concept

of course, you don't feel alive,
like "something is off"

mind enclosed in a capsule
while
your Heart is singing away!

of course, you feel deprived,
like you are missing out on something

your step is skipping,
your child is playing,

and you are not there!

don't know what's happening,
(what's gonna happen,
what '"has happened")

now that's living!

now that's singing!

grace

(sitting on "my" couch in "my" living room
after facilitating a woman on "i'd be happier
if I had children")

"I'd be happier if ________."

No, you wouldn't.

Who would tell you such a thing?!@
(what a cruel thing to say, to think...
what a guarantee of emptiness)

without that thought...

so lovely
just sitting here

it's really only that thought
that has ever caused unhappiness

sitting in the glow
without that thought

just look! what "God" gave you!

perfect mirror image,
newborn kisses

perfectly fitted
delicious
hand tailored
yes, that is the perfect tv for me--small screen,
the perfect flowering cactus,
yes, the artwork
is so me

i'd be happier if what?
if i had a different reflection in the mirror?

that's what we're saying

without the thought "i'd be happier if _____"
i see i chose everything exactly as it is.
i hand picked it,
every pillow, cushion, paint color,
carpet, flooring,
lotion, book
even this pen cartridge

how 'bout your body, you say,
did you hand pick it?

without the thought "i'd be happier if..."
i adore
this "thing",
called a "hand"

oh my God,
amazing,
this miracle of a hand,
fingers!
falling in love with it
for the first time.
i've truly never seen it
 before
(through such loving eyes)

"hand picked"...
funny,
even that points to
the value of this hand

what would i have to be thinking
to not be enthralled
with this "hand"?

i mean really,
if you think you've got a problem,
just take a look at your hand
and notice the gift it is

with the thought "i'd be happier if..."
i completely miss it.
For 58 years I've never seen my hand
like i do today.
Never felt so much love for it.

how many ways "God" has shown up,
how rich the "books"
that sit in piles on the floor,
the table, and rest waiting on the shelf

oh, by the way, God,
none of this is good enough...

NONE of this,
the ENTIRE HOUSE and all its contents
doesn't do it.

it's hard to fathom
this has been a mantra

the bottle of lotion
stands so elegantly,
silently,
humble
and regal,
day and night
just waiting to serve
whether i ever touch it again
or not

even the foil on the coffee cup,
two chapsticks, and bottle of eyedrops...

i am so rich,
so rich

without the thought
"i'd be happier if..."

muscle

meteor showers!
for no reason

the low lying clouds,
heavy on the ground

murking days and hours
in the contracted heart

Tolstoy, Dostoevsky like drama,
a cold Russian winter,
Siberian boots walking across  my chest
in the night

and in the morning,
still cold

am i dying?
on the way down the hill...?

and out of Nowhere
the bicep begins pumping iron!

it LOVES this motion,
this "work"

strength is.
in it

resistance and strength are lovers

the heavier the weight,
the darker the night,
the more my adequacy,
capability,
and Generative Life--
rejuvenating Itself

glows

a spark

there's a spark
in each of your words,

in every thought,

intelligence
and love,
beCause that's Where
It came from,

even the idea of "you"
arose

a shower of thoughts, words, pictures

fireworks!

there is no darkness
in any word or thought

it's not possible for a thought
to be vacant,
to be empty

it is

a spark!

shooting up out of the Invisible Fire,
out of the Night Sky

simply happening,
poppety pop pop!

you can't stop the flower from blooming
or the grass from growing!

O my goodness
what a show!

what would you give you

what would you give you this Christmas?

would you give you worthiness?

a sense of value to the world,

would you see the love you've contributed,
the kindness,
the joy,
the support,
the comfort,
the generosity,

how many smiles you've shared,
how many times your eyes have lit up,
your heart warmed,
your tender listening,

how many hands you've held,
how many lessons you've opened to,
how many meals you've shared,

how much quiet meditation,
how much stillness,
how much gratitude,
how much laughter,
how much silliness and humor,

and quiet depth,

how much reverence,
how much honesty and integrity...

have you noticed
how big your heart is?

would you give you this?

so many presents
to open

the gift of Christmas

harmless

see the sweet faces,
the shining eyes,
the heart of gold?

they will
you but breeze off
the soot

the mirror shows them
proof of  blackness

it is you
who reach under
and touch
what shines away
the darkness

is it you
whose light
makes visible
the sparkling radiance,
the endless laughter,
beneath the heavy layer
of dust

see the halo
shining now?

all they will
is that they be their
own friend

they have come to you asking,
and await excitedly your reply,

am i lovable?
am i worthy?
am i ok after all
this bemoaning?

and isn't it
your greatest joy
to say

Yes!
Dearest One,
Yes!

Home Plate

Holy Infant, All

trees, grass, sky...

so tender and mild,

harmless

there is no race
to get to where
you already are

you are standing
on Home Plate

stop running...
away
from
Home

the Catcher has the ball in his mitt,

you are safe,

the Umpire has declared it
and it is so

there is no other
Home to run to

and this one will never be
different than it is
in this moment,
not higher
nor lower,
bigger
nor smaller,
sicker nor healthier

the Holy Infant is the entire field!
the entire ballpark
and beyond

there is no need to hit
another ball,
to accomplish one
more
thing

you've won Everything.

Everything is You.

how can you possibly lose?

there is
no other
team

:-)

jack be humble

scraping out the seeds of a squash

or doing The Work,

there is nothing more valuable
than another

are you at peace?

without the need to accomplish,
to be seen a certain way,
to be special

isn't life just lifing?

going to the bathroom
or on the phone with
an investment company
making decisions about
"retirement" (ha!)

a walk,
asleep

dancing
working
unemployed (ha!)

there is no
not being

how are you doing?
whatever you are doing?

that is the question

are you with it--
in gratitude,

or against it--
without gratitude?

how humble
is thank you

how arrogant,
Jack the Ripper

:-)

germ warfare

fight germs
fight weeds

ha!
thank God!
they are still here

what is a "weed"?
(some people love the stuff :-)

weeds and germs,
have gotten a really bad rap--

thank God!
life cannot be extinguished

despite the war,
despite agent orange,
despite pesticide,
despite our best efforts...

are you  kidding?

thank God!
we can't wipe out weeds
and germs

our very life: plants and animals

proof we cannot destroy
Mother Nature,
our nature
no matter how hard we try

even "death"
is simply
trans-forming-ation

old men can't stop time,
old men can't stop the tide,
no need to fear "old men"...

"all my life's a circle,
sunrise and sundown..."(harry chapin)

maybe we can rest...

as the tiniest,
tenderest
infant sprout
makes her tender way
up through the concrete
all by herself...

all by Her Self

it

it shows up when asked for,

it's already here,

the only "problem" is
you
have a thought
that you are believing
that says
it should look like something else  :-)

and you don't recognize
the Love
in front of your face,
surrounding you,
within you,
in this very pen!
air,
thought

you simply don't recognize it

that's why the Course says,
enlightenment
is but a simple recognition

It,
what EVER "it" is,
is Love

every where you look,
every thing
every thought
every feeling
every thing and no thing,
Love

every form
every expression
every word,
a name for God

every crumb
every "disease"
(from whose point of view is a "germ" bad?...
certainly not from the "germ's"...and if you take
that label off...and let it roam free and wild in the world
with equal rights to exist as you have...(as it does!)...

1000 names for Joy,
10,000
a million,
infinite names for the One

a simple recognition

no exceptions

It is
and nothing else is

who needs a future
in perfect peace?

where would you possibly
want to go?

the best i could do

the best i could do

what's the best you could do
with a blindfold on,
and a deafening siren
blaring in your ear
without a moment's
pause?

what's the best you could do
with your hand a vice,
in a fire
you can't escape from?

what's the best you could do
with a knife penetrating your chest?

are you starting to get it,
to understand
why someone
would drop a bomb,
while being bombed
out of their mind?

why someone would
set afire
another human being
while they are burning alive?

is it becoming clearer
that the only antidote for fire
is cool, clear water,
not more heat?

flowers do not grow
in agony

please, i beg of you,
don't ask me to stop
what i am doing
when i am covered in flames!

please, oh please,
i beg of you,

help me

put out the fire.

water

please

is it true?

"a tiny mad idea",
misinterpretation

runaway train,
steaming  loco motive
without brakes,
no steering wheel,
careening off a cliff...

wearing a pretty dress
and lipstick,
sipping a from a crystal glass

pretending
everything is ok

schizoid

a smouldering heart,
scorched by the friction
of trying to put the brakes
on reality

stop, World, stop!!

raw flesh,
scraped knees
on asphalt

trying day after day to stop
what can never be stopped,
needing the sun to shine
when it isn't,
the kiss on  her lips
when it isn't

oh dear, dear child,

is it true?

it that really true?

finally
the Sun can burst through
the clouds,
can burst through
the darkest night
of the soul

a beam

one drop
of the Heart

dissolves
the crusted,
rusted
bar
of separation

the past is gone,
the future no where to be found

truth
alone
is far more
than enough

far far more
than enough

full circle

i killed the cat.
i did it.
and i am 100% innocent.

a gargantuan iceberg

fell into the sea

10 years in the waiting

10 years ago
my 17 year old son said to me,

"why don't you just kill the cat?"

terror arose
huge terror
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
hysteria
mega sadness
"disappointment" can't begin to describe
the internal devastation

he's a psychopath
no feelings
no compassion
i hate him
i hate me
i have failed, truly failed
shame
done wrong

this CANNOT BE

deer in the headlights

frozen in terror

helpless
absolutely devastated

and deaf
dumb
and blind

add to it "why not just kill old people?"

my  mind REVOLTS...explodes in hallucinations...
i'm trulytripping!
this is impossible!
too horrible
gruesome
to even go there...

EVIL!

nuclear guilt

i am destroyed...

any image of a loving mother
or loving son
is completely obliterated

reality obliterated:
'this cannot be happening"
things like this don't happen...

and today (ten years later)
i killed the cat.
yes. literally.
she was 20 years old,
peeing on the floor,
with a big lump in her gut,
two doses of antibiotics had been given...

and i decided it was time
for her to "die",
to be "put to sleep",
"euthanized"
we say.

we give like death/killing
another a name.

and I see
the simplicity
the stillness
the kindness
the invitation to contemplate life, being,
this is all there is

and I see
Aaron's (my son's) absolute innocence.
A child asking a simple question.

I see I could not even hear the question,
I could not even consider the simple
profound, deep question that it was.

I could not see the invitation
to ask, to consider, to contemplate

death

"killing"

I see I put ALL the destruction on him,
this innocent child,

I see now
as I drive away
from the vet
having witnessed
the administering of the iv,
her tongue hanging out of her mouth,
the drug in her eyes,
and finally the body without a heartbeat,
the gift of her life,
the silence and peace,
experience continuing

I see the devastation
was ALL mine.

I see nothing happened,
but a child asking a question
to his mother.

I love you, Aaron, with all my heart.
And I am sorry I looked at you with such terror
in my eyes and heart.

You are so innocent.
So completely innocent.
And I see, too, was an innocent child
believing my thoughts.
Having a nightmare.

Love to us all.
And thank you, kitty.
You never know
when an iceberg is going to fall.

amen.

come on in

what if you welcomed
the thief?

oh honey, come on in,
i've been waiting for you,
looking forward to this day,
to meet you,
so up close and personal

you are scared, you say?
you are craving?
you want a chip?

here, have the whole bag!
i'll fix a meal for you,
what's your favorite?

sit by the fire,
tell me, tell me, sweetheart,
all your troubles,
can you stay for a week or so...?

i've made up the bed
with fresh scented sheets,

would you like to move in
with me?

i tried this today
as i reached for another chip...

and she simply melted
into thin air

can you give you
the love you are looking for?

guidance

Let the deathless be your Guide
for all else will lead you astray,
pull you away from it,
blind you

get still
and listen
to the deathless

She holds the candle,
the sparklers

She burns so bright

She attracts you to the light
for She is
the only way to see

Reality calls you now,
beckons
every instant

She waits in perfect stillness,
absolute grace

there is nothing you could possibly prefer
to this
because there is nothing else

Let stillness
be your God

let no action arise
but from stillness

for Christ is
stillness Itself

let stillness be
in every act

from pristine
groundlessness

let there be no body part,
no separate self interest
in even a glance
or you bankrupt your soul,
overturn the ark
and night once again
is all there is to see

it cannot be
your brother is not yourself

it is but you,
you serve

it is but you
you offer to

how much would you give yourself?

what
would you give yourself?

is there anything you would still withhold
from yourself?

except that i hold the Space,
how can i possibly experience it?

Let the deathless
be
your Guide

deathless

deathless

come what may,
it can never hurt you

deathlessness
has no price

what can assail the unassailable?

deathless is strong

though a million soldiers march,
it is for naught

hurricanes,
nuclear war,
even pepto bismol

assorted jokers all

what is deathless
cannot die

deathless

all things dissolve
before this truth,
before this might

oh how very safe
deathless is

we raise the ante
to everything,
for no fear is possible,
conceivable
in deathless

deathless,
no opposite

all else
a tiny, tiny,
tiny mad idea

a gnat
buzzing in God's ear,
ha!

do you really think
God
Reality
Infinity
Love
is threatened
by that,
a gnat
claiming to be
all of it!

claiming to have power
and control,
taking credit for its life,
its provision,
with intelligence enough
to dictate
all of existence?!

laughable!

laughable!

you
are not this gnat

you
are deathless

everything you ever need
or could possibly want
is here
now

seek not
life in death
for it is not there
and never will be

you are deathless
now

only this
is true

there is no problem
that can ever
speak louder
than this

of course i can!

of course,
i can!

perfect mirror image

i'm already here,
and i
had nothing
to do with it

do you SEE the miracle you are?

you just appear...

and everything else around you,
a whole world...

just happens!

and you're worried
there is not enough!@?

the kingdom of heaven
day after day after day...

sky
moon
rain
just happens

body
happening

laughter
happening

a cheery song...

even kittens!!

and you doubt miracles?!

what have you
ever had to do
with anything?

not even one blink of your eye...
not one tulip,
not one flake of snow...

pretty humbling

just a back seat
in this show

of course, i can "do" it...
i've got nothing to do with it
:-)

oh to meddle...

oh to meddle in the affairs of field mice!

they have their soldiers,
their ways
of surviving
the nightmare

you don't tell
a hallucinating man
it isn't there

you hold his hand

and listen

and stay by his side

knowing all the while
there is no problem
that needs to be solved

no criminal to be jailed

simply a frightened mouse

and isn't this
but a call for tenderness?

where is darkness?

in tender solitude
the mayfly sings her sweet song

effortlessly the fireflies light

effortlessly the light goes out,
lifting spirits

can you look at light
and see darkness?

and where is it that there is not light?
for without light
it is impossible to see at all

so it is
there is only light to see

and where, sweetheart,
where is darkness now?

which track are you on?

there were
three race cars
running round the track

Mary was a bread winner,
Susie, the wine maker,
and Harry
had no idea what he was--
where to start,
where the finish line was.

Is there really a beginning,
middle, and end to a circle?

well, Coral Bell thought
it was the rough spot,
because when your car hits it,
it might flip over
and that would be the end

Mary, with all the bread,
needed to rise
to have it all turn out right,
so she considered the high edge
round the turn
to be the necessary act
before the finish

and Susie,
having to wait many years
for the wine to ferment
thought she may as well
cover every square inch of the track
in order to not miss anything
and perhaps uncover
some deep insight along the way

and last there was Harry
looking at them all.
He decided if he just
sat right in the center
and watched them all go by
he could have it all
without lifting a finger

but it wasn't until the rain started
and the snow fell
that they found out
they were really all
on the same track

and right now
it belonged
to the Snow

:-)

stiffened wire

stiffened wire,
the kind put in place
before they pour the cement,

reinforcement,
the troops

tamping down
tramping down
packing the hard clay
into its place

cast iron
cast away
cast in a play
casting
a spell

a very
dry
spell

where the mud
is rock hard

and liquid but sits on the surface

that photo IS you,
proof of your identity

it's the law, for heaven's sake!
the Law!

to oppose this "proof"
in anyway could actually put you
behind bars

oh what a frightened,
terrified sheriff this must be

what a thing to teach a little child

you
are these squirmy little shapes,

you
are this one sound,

you
are dust,

you
are simply
a color

so small,
so weak,
so in danger

but wait...
wait!
the child sees,

and leaves
silently in the night

she simply isn't there
in the morning when you go to wake her


(or perhaps she is shot down in broad daylight
in the middle of the street
by the frightened sheriff)


it.can.not.be!   ...mind.is.speech.less

no answer
for this
One

and now it is you
who must open wide

must open to the Vastness,
the beyond all labels

and ask a real question
with all your Heart

What am I...
really?

without the mortar, bricks, and cement,
without the mold,
without any authority telling me,
without a map anyone has ever walked...
without any possibility of punishment...
or danger...
without a mother...
or a father...
without knowing
a single thing...

wall of protest

the bubble,
the veil,
the divider

the wall of protest

strewn with graffiti,
all saying,
pointing to

"this" is not me--

damn the war!
f**k  the government,
police, spouse,
opposite sex,
corporations,
environmental degradation!

it is not 'I'

it is outside of 'i'

ha!

how many eons
has this scribbling gone on...
how much longer...
'til
the ink
dissolves,
the lie falls...

it IS you,

it IS You

what else could it be
that experiences this?
believes,
"sees" 

who else's suffering is it
if not your
wound

cut out of your
very own soul

and left to rot
in hell?

come,

the wall of protest
IS 
your safety

it IS
where you have hidden
every lie

to behold one day
for what it is

your very dearest Self

your very dearest Self, Love

Huck Finn

would  you marry Huck Finn
and pull the plug on his raft?

he was a traveling man,
couldn't sit still

was it his fault 
you wanted a pony show?

something to show off,
cotton candy to eat,
fancy costumes
to cover 
the empty shell

he walked on two toes
and still it wasn't enough

walk on air!
you said,
and he actually tried

but it was so damn hard

he fell to the earth
in tears
and you called him a sissy

oh my God,
is it really true 
that men are from Mars
and women are from Venus,
or do we all just want
everything our way?

an image
that no one 
can ever be

just right

bigger
bustier
sexier
more glamorous
taller
cuter
younger older

to "er" is to err

Godlilocks had it right

this chair IS just right

this boob is just right, ladies
and gentlemen!

it's absolutely PERFECT

thank God for it!
now!

thank God for now!

thank God for God!

really, what else is there to do?

it can never ever BE
different

thank God
i am not in charge

thank God
i haven't gotten all my wishes

thank God
i have no idea what is going on!

and can just enjoy the ride...

Alice
in Wonder

can't keep up

no one
can "keep up"
with the mind

do more!
again!
again
again
again!

more, i say,
more!

bigger
better
stronger
faster
quicker, quicker, quicker!

smarter
prettier...

no, i'm exhausted

i can never ever ever
satisfy
mind...

she keeps dreaming it up
and i will never ever ever
match
her dream

good to know

if you are depressed,
here's why

:-)