grace

(sitting on "my" couch in "my" living room
after facilitating a woman on "i'd be happier
if I had children")

"I'd be happier if ________."

No, you wouldn't.

Who would tell you such a thing?!@
(what a cruel thing to say, to think...
what a guarantee of emptiness)

without that thought...

so lovely
just sitting here

it's really only that thought
that has ever caused unhappiness

sitting in the glow
without that thought

just look! what "God" gave you!

perfect mirror image,
newborn kisses

perfectly fitted
delicious
hand tailored
yes, that is the perfect tv for me--small screen,
the perfect flowering cactus,
yes, the artwork
is so me

i'd be happier if what?
if i had a different reflection in the mirror?

that's what we're saying

without the thought "i'd be happier if _____"
i see i chose everything exactly as it is.
i hand picked it,
every pillow, cushion, paint color,
carpet, flooring,
lotion, book
even this pen cartridge

how 'bout your body, you say,
did you hand pick it?

without the thought "i'd be happier if..."
i adore
this "thing",
called a "hand"

oh my God,
amazing,
this miracle of a hand,
fingers!
falling in love with it
for the first time.
i've truly never seen it
 before
(through such loving eyes)

"hand picked"...
funny,
even that points to
the value of this hand

what would i have to be thinking
to not be enthralled
with this "hand"?

i mean really,
if you think you've got a problem,
just take a look at your hand
and notice the gift it is

with the thought "i'd be happier if..."
i completely miss it.
For 58 years I've never seen my hand
like i do today.
Never felt so much love for it.

how many ways "God" has shown up,
how rich the "books"
that sit in piles on the floor,
the table, and rest waiting on the shelf

oh, by the way, God,
none of this is good enough...

NONE of this,
the ENTIRE HOUSE and all its contents
doesn't do it.

it's hard to fathom
this has been a mantra

the bottle of lotion
stands so elegantly,
silently,
humble
and regal,
day and night
just waiting to serve
whether i ever touch it again
or not

even the foil on the coffee cup,
two chapsticks, and bottle of eyedrops...

i am so rich,
so rich

without the thought
"i'd be happier if..."