shooting up

last night watching Eckhardt Tolle on youtube

i got crystal clarity

of what i had done....

laying in bed

arguing with reality

i was frustrated because

i thought

something wasn't happening

that i thought i wanted

i was basically shooting up

my own poison

i was literally injecting venom

into my system

even science will support this:

stressful thoughts

produce harmful chemicals

in our bodies

in the control panel of my mind

i was choosing

to believe

something should be different

wishing for an impossible situation

i felt the "high" of the ego

the rush

of frustration

i internally

raged war

against what was....

i shot up

my old habit

continued

an addiction

reinforces itself

completely asleep

i thought someone else was involved

Eckhardt brought clarity

the problem/situation/conflict was completely internal

(even though i've heard this a thousand times before,

somehow i just got it in such a more powerful detached way...)

it had nothing to do with anyone else

it was only an old drug addict wanting another high,

another escape,

refusing to take responsibility for his life,

for his happiness

just like a junkie...

the ego is always desperate for a fix

it can't exist without pain

it is addicted to it

i saw the addict, this time, as separate from myself

i came completely clean

thank you God

for clarity

i would no longer support

my ego's habit

i would no longer support

my ego's preference for hallucination

in place of Reality...

i would no longer

argue

with

what is